The Matchmaker of the Century: Hellen Chen
The Matchmaker of the Century: Hellen Chen
Interviewed and written by Tocarra Eldridge
Why are half of the marriages in the US ending in divorce? The marriage rate per 1000 in population is currently at 6.8 according to the Center for Disease Control; whereas the divorce rate per 1000 in population is 3.4. According to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University, the divorce rate among baby boomers has nearly doubled. The rising trend in divorces has also been seen in countries such as Asia, Europe, and the Middle East. Nonetheless, the percentage of single parents has risen to 30% in Hong Kong.
I (Consciousness Magazine) was able to speak to The Matchmaker of the Century, Hellen Chen, who has been responsible for helping men and women find the right partners in their life. Chen has been married for more than 20 years. She has been quoted in over 200 publications, having guest appearances on many independent and mainstream radio and television networks such as CBS, NBC and ABC. The matchmaker has also conducted and lectured in thousands of workshops around the world, (her recently one called Love Workshop in Los Angeles) where she has helped couples to love and salvage their relationships. Here is what Hellen Chen had to share with the readers.
Tocarra Eldridge: Why do you think marriages are ending across the country as oppose to two or more decades ago?
Hellen Chen: It seems like people no longer want to tolerate marriage, and then they go to get a divorce. Basically, they divorce because they decide to give up. They don’t want to tolerate, suffer through or continue. They just think it’s no point to suffer because they don’t see the future or they think it’s too much of a hassle. So, they just give up and decide to quit, and that is really terrible. People tend to think it is so painful to go through, but it’s not true. Mentally, they don’t want to take such pressure. They don’t want to deal with the hassle that comes when things are improving. You have to wait patiently for the results, but everyone wants it to be quick. Everything takes time, whether it takes 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 years and they just say enough with this, I’d rather quit. I think that attitude itself is making people end their relationships.
Hellen Chen: It seems like people no longer want to tolerate marriage, and then they go to get a divorce. Basically, they divorce because they decide to give up. They don’t want to tolerate, suffer through or continue. They just think it’s no point to suffer because they don’t see the future or they think it’s too much of a hassle. So, they just give up and decide to quit, and that is really terrible. People tend to think it is so painful to go through, but it’s not true. Mentally, they don’t want to take such pressure. They don’t want to deal with the hassle that comes when things are improving. You have to wait patiently for the results, but everyone wants it to be quick. Everything takes time, whether it takes 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 years and they just say enough with this, I’d rather quit. I think that attitude itself is making people end their relationships.
TE: What are some things that you believe makes relationships bad?
HC: Well, people are not really sure if they care. When people first fall in love they really try so hard to dress up and show the best of themselves. They only really see the good part of others, and they’re really looking forward to that romance. They do their best to be nice and they really concentrate on caring for the other person. Once they lose this type of concentration or willingness, then it is no longer so beautiful. In my book Matchmaker of the Century, I talk about why you should marry first and date later, and that you should date the rest of your life. But, people only want to date for such a short time before they marry. Then after they marry, they don’t want to keep it. They don’t want to continue to show each other interest, niceness or make any efforts to be cute or sexy. That is why the interest dies out. The willingness is no longer there and everything is over.
HC: Well, people are not really sure if they care. When people first fall in love they really try so hard to dress up and show the best of themselves. They only really see the good part of others, and they’re really looking forward to that romance. They do their best to be nice and they really concentrate on caring for the other person. Once they lose this type of concentration or willingness, then it is no longer so beautiful. In my book Matchmaker of the Century, I talk about why you should marry first and date later, and that you should date the rest of your life. But, people only want to date for such a short time before they marry. Then after they marry, they don’t want to keep it. They don’t want to continue to show each other interest, niceness or make any efforts to be cute or sexy. That is why the interest dies out. The willingness is no longer there and everything is over.
TE: What are some solutions to keeping a marriage or relationship together?
HC: The reason is people actually want to make it. That’s the most important thing after marriage. If you are dating, sometimes people believe in sex. But for the relationship to last, you have to have a decision and make a choice to be together. Once the decision is not there, the relationship is no longer there. Every day you wake up you should believe you’re going to marry this person again. You want to make this relationship last one more day. You must keep it up.
HC: The reason is people actually want to make it. That’s the most important thing after marriage. If you are dating, sometimes people believe in sex. But for the relationship to last, you have to have a decision and make a choice to be together. Once the decision is not there, the relationship is no longer there. Every day you wake up you should believe you’re going to marry this person again. You want to make this relationship last one more day. You must keep it up.
TE: You have been named The Matchmaker of the Century. For a single person, what are some qualifications or what do you look for when finding a partner to be with in hopes for the rest of your life?
HC: I actually look for the person to be independent. Instead of looking for the perfect match, you want the person to have a really mature personality and they have to be willing to go through life accepting anything that comes along. Before that happens they most importantly should not want to depend on others. With these qualities, that person will be making their relationship possible. Otherwise, if you want to depend on someone financially or emotionally, that’s usually not very good. This person must be mature, financially and emotionally independent as well, able to take care of themselves and willing to go through the life in every way. This type of independent individual will do their best to make their relationship last.
HC: I actually look for the person to be independent. Instead of looking for the perfect match, you want the person to have a really mature personality and they have to be willing to go through life accepting anything that comes along. Before that happens they most importantly should not want to depend on others. With these qualities, that person will be making their relationship possible. Otherwise, if you want to depend on someone financially or emotionally, that’s usually not very good. This person must be mature, financially and emotionally independent as well, able to take care of themselves and willing to go through the life in every way. This type of independent individual will do their best to make their relationship last.
TE: Sometimes when a marriage usually goes bad it ends in a terrible divorce where kids may be involved. How would an individual begin to amend their differences and move on with their life?
HC: After divorce you have to get yourself together and marry again. Don’t look in the past, just look in the future. If this one you failed, you stand up and continue. You cannot give up. You must continue going because it’s not over. I don’t like for people to look in the past; I encourage people to look forward to give themselves hope, because the next one will be better. If you divorce, you will see the next guy who will want to continue the family or the next relationship. Never give up! Always look toward the future. Don’t think about staying at home being so sad and crying over your loss for ten years and you still cannot wake up. We don’t want individuals in that position. So, once your divorce is final, right away I wish you to in a very short time, maybe only a few months…marry again.
HC: After divorce you have to get yourself together and marry again. Don’t look in the past, just look in the future. If this one you failed, you stand up and continue. You cannot give up. You must continue going because it’s not over. I don’t like for people to look in the past; I encourage people to look forward to give themselves hope, because the next one will be better. If you divorce, you will see the next guy who will want to continue the family or the next relationship. Never give up! Always look toward the future. Don’t think about staying at home being so sad and crying over your loss for ten years and you still cannot wake up. We don’t want individuals in that position. So, once your divorce is final, right away I wish you to in a very short time, maybe only a few months…marry again.
TE: Would you like to add anything else before we close the interview?
HC: I want the people to fall in love, to trust and really concentrate on falling in love. This is ability, not just chemistry. It’s not like all of a sudden a miracle happens. No, you can create this by your ability to trust yourself and having willingness. If you choose the right man or woman, you can actually fall in love by creating it. I want people to cross over to create a relationship instead of waiting for a miracle to happen.
HC: I want the people to fall in love, to trust and really concentrate on falling in love. This is ability, not just chemistry. It’s not like all of a sudden a miracle happens. No, you can create this by your ability to trust yourself and having willingness. If you choose the right man or woman, you can actually fall in love by creating it. I want people to cross over to create a relationship instead of waiting for a miracle to happen.
For more information about Hellen Chen please visit http://www.matchmakerofthecentury.com
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